Hello Readers!
I want to give a HUGE thanks to Evia for the nod on her blog--a blog that ignited the spark in my young mind and turned it into an ever growing flame of self empowerment--but as she explained in her blog--I AM BUSY!!!
I don't really have the time to constantly respond and create new posts, and in all honestly, I think I've said all that I have to say. I am just grateful to Evia that now some of you will read and hopefully take away something meaningful. Due to the nature of the internet I will have to probably close the comments section because I don't want this blog to be a safe haven for trolls and DBR bashings. Not happening.
So this is my explanation of why my blog is so very short, but hopefully rich in valuable information!
Good Luck to ALL.
"when the student is ready, the teacher appears." :) :) :) :)
Thursday, February 16, 2012
If You Must Date A Black Guy.....
Start checking out the African guys at your universities! They tend to be more family oriented and responsible. Many of them are working hard towards solid degrees in school and don't have time to play around because they KNOW what the REAL hood is like (a third world country) and they want to make the most of their opportunities in the US.
Also, they don't have the same coon-ish habbits that US black men do, they most likely will NOT have a problem with a black female looking like a black female. In fact, because of their pride in their African heritage, many of them will worship you for your appearance. Did I mention that many of them speak French?
If you're very attracted to Black guys I would suggest an African before a Carribean, Latino and DEFINITELY NOT an American black guy. In many ways, US black guys are still very deeply enslaved and damaged.
Also, they don't have the same coon-ish habbits that US black men do, they most likely will NOT have a problem with a black female looking like a black female. In fact, because of their pride in their African heritage, many of them will worship you for your appearance. Did I mention that many of them speak French?
If you're very attracted to Black guys I would suggest an African before a Carribean, Latino and DEFINITELY NOT an American black guy. In many ways, US black guys are still very deeply enslaved and damaged.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Black Girls Guide to Hair Care
Are you sure you want to keep using relaxers and weaves....your whole life? I mean, you could just grow YOUR hair........
Aphogee sells a good two step protein treatment, but i don't recommend shampooing your hair before hand. I usually just clean it with conditioner, do the protein, then wash the treatment out and condition again.
Everyone's hair grows people! Let's cut out the coon science. Just be gentle with your hair, keep it soft, keep it strong, eat protein, drink water and it will grow.
The biggest secret of growing long african hair is ELIMINATING BREAKAGE at every single step of the styling process. A bunch of little broken hairs on the floor after you straighten you hair? you're doing it wrong. Hair all over your shirt after you brush it? You're doing it wrong. Lots of hair in the bathroom drain when you wash? Still doing it wrong!
Aphogee sells a good two step protein treatment, but i don't recommend shampooing your hair before hand. I usually just clean it with conditioner, do the protein, then wash the treatment out and condition again.
Everyone's hair grows people! Let's cut out the coon science. Just be gentle with your hair, keep it soft, keep it strong, eat protein, drink water and it will grow.
Black Girl's Guide to College: Do's and Don'ts
A comment in a recent email between Evia, a HUGE role model of mine, and I gave me the idea for this post. So here it goes.
BLACK WOMEN, college is a crucial time in your life! Do not get sucked into the MTV/Hollywood SCAM version that they try to sell you. College is ABSOLUTELY NOT about getting drunk and sleeping around. Especially in America's competitive job market.
At that point in their lives most men have little to nothing to offer you in terms of future well being so wasting your time that should be focused on self establishment (high grades, joining honors societies, building your resumes) is detrimental to your future. Remember, your numbers are different, YOU are not a WHITE GIRL. You cannot afford to get foolishly drunk, be loose with men, do nothing to build professional prowess and still end up with a husband, two kids and a 500K+ house in the suburbs. The odds of that are unlikely, not impossible, just unlikely.
The reality of today is MOST men in college are not prepared or planning to have a family/kids. In college, YOU WAIT. Sure, go ahead get to know different guys, gain experience in relationships but REMEMBER that you are to put no excess effort or stress or attachment into these relationships. All of your focus must always be on SELF IMPROVEMENT.
A good point Evia made was that men don't really have anything to offer yet at that stage and they are also still very dependent on society's opinion of them (typical characteristic of a young man) and most importantly they are still VERY dependent on their parents' resources ($$$$) and consequently their parents opinions of what they are doing. In today's world, much of the fun happens AFTER college when you are a successful young professional.
Remember, who has more ACCESS to the CEO's, doctors, lawyers? The girl who wasted her college years being loose at parties or the girl who STRATEGIZED, set herself up for a successful career and is surrounded by the SUCCESFUL MEN every day of the week? Who wins, ladies?
BLACK WOMEN, college is a crucial time in your life! Do not get sucked into the MTV/Hollywood SCAM version that they try to sell you. College is ABSOLUTELY NOT about getting drunk and sleeping around. Especially in America's competitive job market.
At that point in their lives most men have little to nothing to offer you in terms of future well being so wasting your time that should be focused on self establishment (high grades, joining honors societies, building your resumes) is detrimental to your future. Remember, your numbers are different, YOU are not a WHITE GIRL. You cannot afford to get foolishly drunk, be loose with men, do nothing to build professional prowess and still end up with a husband, two kids and a 500K+ house in the suburbs. The odds of that are unlikely, not impossible, just unlikely.
The reality of today is MOST men in college are not prepared or planning to have a family/kids. In college, YOU WAIT. Sure, go ahead get to know different guys, gain experience in relationships but REMEMBER that you are to put no excess effort or stress or attachment into these relationships. All of your focus must always be on SELF IMPROVEMENT.
A good point Evia made was that men don't really have anything to offer yet at that stage and they are also still very dependent on society's opinion of them (typical characteristic of a young man) and most importantly they are still VERY dependent on their parents' resources ($$$$) and consequently their parents opinions of what they are doing. In today's world, much of the fun happens AFTER college when you are a successful young professional.
Remember, who has more ACCESS to the CEO's, doctors, lawyers? The girl who wasted her college years being loose at parties or the girl who STRATEGIZED, set herself up for a successful career and is surrounded by the SUCCESFUL MEN every day of the week? Who wins, ladies?
Black Girl's Guide to Spirituality: Powerful Emerson Passage
This passage is from Ralph Waldo Emerson's Nature
You may not understand all of it, but keep reading! There are so many great authors out there that can and will expand your intellect and your way of looking at the world.
So shall we come to look at the world with new eyes. It shall answer the endless inquiry of the intellect, -- What is truth? and of the affections, -- What is good? by yielding itself passive to the educated Will. Then shall come to pass what my poet said; "Nature is not fixed but fluid. Spirit alters, moulds, makes it. The immobility or bruteness of nature, is the absence of spirit; to pure spirit, it is fluid, it is volatile, it is obedient. Every spirit builds itself a house; and beyond its house a world; and beyond its world, a heaven. Know then, that the world exists for you. For you is the phenomenon perfect. What we are, that only can we see. All that Adam had, all that Caesar could, you have and can do. Adam called his house, heaven and earth; Caesar called his house, Rome; you perhaps call yours, a cobler's trade; a hundred acres of ploughed land; or a scholar's garret. Yet line for line and point for point, your dominion is as great as theirs, though without fine names. Build, therefore, your own world. As fast as you conform your life to the pure idea in your mind, that will unfold its great proportions. A correspondent revolution in things will attend the influx of the spirit. So fast will disagreeable appearances, swine, spiders, snakes, pests, madhouses, prisons, enemies, vanish; they are temporary and shall be no more seen. The sordor and filths of nature, the sun shall dry up, and the wind exhale. As when the summer comes from the south; the snow-banks melt, and the face of the earth becomes green before it, so shall the advancing spirit create its ornaments along its path, and carry with it the beauty it visits, and the song which enchants it; it shall draw beautiful faces, warm hearts, wise discourse, and heroic acts, around its way, until evil is no more seen. The kingdom of man over nature, which cometh not with observation, -- a dominion such as now is beyond his dream of God, -- he shall enter without more wonder than the blind man feels who is gradually restored to perfect sight."
You may not understand all of it, but keep reading! There are so many great authors out there that can and will expand your intellect and your way of looking at the world.
So shall we come to look at the world with new eyes. It shall answer the endless inquiry of the intellect, -- What is truth? and of the affections, -- What is good? by yielding itself passive to the educated Will. Then shall come to pass what my poet said; "Nature is not fixed but fluid. Spirit alters, moulds, makes it. The immobility or bruteness of nature, is the absence of spirit; to pure spirit, it is fluid, it is volatile, it is obedient. Every spirit builds itself a house; and beyond its house a world; and beyond its world, a heaven. Know then, that the world exists for you. For you is the phenomenon perfect. What we are, that only can we see. All that Adam had, all that Caesar could, you have and can do. Adam called his house, heaven and earth; Caesar called his house, Rome; you perhaps call yours, a cobler's trade; a hundred acres of ploughed land; or a scholar's garret. Yet line for line and point for point, your dominion is as great as theirs, though without fine names. Build, therefore, your own world. As fast as you conform your life to the pure idea in your mind, that will unfold its great proportions. A correspondent revolution in things will attend the influx of the spirit. So fast will disagreeable appearances, swine, spiders, snakes, pests, madhouses, prisons, enemies, vanish; they are temporary and shall be no more seen. The sordor and filths of nature, the sun shall dry up, and the wind exhale. As when the summer comes from the south; the snow-banks melt, and the face of the earth becomes green before it, so shall the advancing spirit create its ornaments along its path, and carry with it the beauty it visits, and the song which enchants it; it shall draw beautiful faces, warm hearts, wise discourse, and heroic acts, around its way, until evil is no more seen. The kingdom of man over nature, which cometh not with observation, -- a dominion such as now is beyond his dream of God, -- he shall enter without more wonder than the blind man feels who is gradually restored to perfect sight."
Victim or Victor? You can only choose one.
Several mental programs are well established in the black community that breeds victims. You are mentally taught to feel attacked by racism, colorism, little access to opportunities and ignore the fact that most of the world's greatest successes have come from the WORST backgrounds. There are no excuses for us in 2012. You wonder why the world is closing in on us--you wonder why the spotlight is honing in on black women and their actions. Because it is 2012--enough is enough. YES many black communities are predatory environments full of all types of crazies, but there are many many ways to escape. Even when I had to live in the hood, I had mentally "escaped" at a young age and decided I simply was not cut from the same cloth. My life experience has been exceedingly better than people who grew up in the same demographic simply because I did not THINK and ACT from that plane of existence.
YOU DECIDE what you become, no one else can do this for you. This is why what others think is so irrelevant. Only YOU can dictate where your life goes. If you've decided to play the victim then the world will stomp on you and provide SO MANY bad experiences that will allow you to continue to play the victim. If you DECIDE to be a VICTOR, then unseen avenues will open up to you and you will pass through so many "boundaries" and the world will begin to look like a different place. But the universe is STRICT about its free-will policy. YOU have to be the one to CHOOSE. Life can not choose for you, but it will honor your decision.
YOU DECIDE what you become, no one else can do this for you. This is why what others think is so irrelevant. Only YOU can dictate where your life goes. If you've decided to play the victim then the world will stomp on you and provide SO MANY bad experiences that will allow you to continue to play the victim. If you DECIDE to be a VICTOR, then unseen avenues will open up to you and you will pass through so many "boundaries" and the world will begin to look like a different place. But the universe is STRICT about its free-will policy. YOU have to be the one to CHOOSE. Life can not choose for you, but it will honor your decision.
Black Girl's Guide to Spirituality: Mental Maintainence
I've lectured about weight maintainence, I've lectured about hair maintenaince but now, most importantly I'm going to lecture about MENTAL MAINTAINENCE.
The REAL problems for black women stem from toxic MENTAL HABBITS. Again, too many black women don't think of themselves as normal, worthy, human females. They see themselves as something slightly lower than human and they live that out. YOU ARE A HUMAN WOMAN. You deserve any and everything any other human woman has. YOU DESERVE a man treating you like the delicate flower you are, YOU DESERVE to be beautiful and treated as such, YOU DESERVE to travel, see the world and create all sorts of FUN/FUNNY memories to hold on to and one day share with your children. YOU DESERVE THE BEST OF LIFE AND MORE!
So, how do I get there? You ask. Start within. Within each person's mind that have a mental "framework" that they are living from. You have an idea of yourself, your abilities, your possessions and your worth. If you are open minded enough, I'm going to show you a little trick I use TO GO VERY FAR in my personal and academic life. I call it "forward thinking." meaning, I NEVER think from the place that I currently am, I always think from the place that I "want" to be. And somehow, in some strange way, I always end up getting what I at one point only dreamt of having.
So how do I do it. In my thoughts I take possesion of what I want. So, say you wanted more romance in your life. Well, then you'd start feeling and thinking from a place of having the romance you want. Don't look for it from the outside. Totally satisfy the desire by thinking and feeling you already have it--then, all of a sudden in the strangest way, you look up and BAM! it somehow squeezes its way into your life.
The great philosopher Hermes, said "Only what is, is manifested" You can't bring awesome things into your life by "wanting" them, you bring them into your life by taking possession of them from within. Find the hidden door and no one can block you. This works for everything. I've always scored high on exams even the SAT's because from YOUTH I always KNEW I was the smartest--and this KNOWING plays out in my life experiences. I will not be sharing much about my life on this blog for privacy reasons, but I will say that if I chose to, I would have VERY MUCH to brag about. However, I know without a doubt that it all stems from my INNER KNOWING of WHO I AM.
My favorite passage in the bible is where Moses asks the voice of God who he is (yes, some of the bible is inspiring, but NONE of religion is inspiring IMO) and the Voice answers, "I AM that I AM"
so, who ARE YOU. In your thoughts, what words come after you say "I am...." ? Evaulate them, you may find some interest things you need to improve. Remember, it starts through your mind, plays out through your actions, end ups as your experiences.
The REAL problems for black women stem from toxic MENTAL HABBITS. Again, too many black women don't think of themselves as normal, worthy, human females. They see themselves as something slightly lower than human and they live that out. YOU ARE A HUMAN WOMAN. You deserve any and everything any other human woman has. YOU DESERVE a man treating you like the delicate flower you are, YOU DESERVE to be beautiful and treated as such, YOU DESERVE to travel, see the world and create all sorts of FUN/FUNNY memories to hold on to and one day share with your children. YOU DESERVE THE BEST OF LIFE AND MORE!
So, how do I get there? You ask. Start within. Within each person's mind that have a mental "framework" that they are living from. You have an idea of yourself, your abilities, your possessions and your worth. If you are open minded enough, I'm going to show you a little trick I use TO GO VERY FAR in my personal and academic life. I call it "forward thinking." meaning, I NEVER think from the place that I currently am, I always think from the place that I "want" to be. And somehow, in some strange way, I always end up getting what I at one point only dreamt of having.
So how do I do it. In my thoughts I take possesion of what I want. So, say you wanted more romance in your life. Well, then you'd start feeling and thinking from a place of having the romance you want. Don't look for it from the outside. Totally satisfy the desire by thinking and feeling you already have it--then, all of a sudden in the strangest way, you look up and BAM! it somehow squeezes its way into your life.
The great philosopher Hermes, said "Only what is, is manifested" You can't bring awesome things into your life by "wanting" them, you bring them into your life by taking possession of them from within. Find the hidden door and no one can block you. This works for everything. I've always scored high on exams even the SAT's because from YOUTH I always KNEW I was the smartest--and this KNOWING plays out in my life experiences. I will not be sharing much about my life on this blog for privacy reasons, but I will say that if I chose to, I would have VERY MUCH to brag about. However, I know without a doubt that it all stems from my INNER KNOWING of WHO I AM.
My favorite passage in the bible is where Moses asks the voice of God who he is (yes, some of the bible is inspiring, but NONE of religion is inspiring IMO) and the Voice answers, "I AM that I AM"
so, who ARE YOU. In your thoughts, what words come after you say "I am...." ? Evaulate them, you may find some interest things you need to improve. Remember, it starts through your mind, plays out through your actions, end ups as your experiences.
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